in the clouds
by DiAnna44
Summary: rin broke haru's heart and haru might have to see him again at their high school reunion; he goes anyway. for rinharuweek 2015


***okay so assume rei and nagisa are in their grade and rin left a little less than two years before graduation.**

* * *

 **in the clouds**

* * *

haru didn't want to talk about it. makoto kept trying to bring it up and haru really, really just didn't want to talk about it.

he stares down at the card again, feeling the paper in his hands, wondering if it feels the same in rin's as well.

"haru," makoto says, and his tone is almost patronizing, but haru knows better. he should know better, right?

"are you going to go?" he asks.

"of course i am," makoto responds, and haru just grips the stupid piece of paper tighter. it crushes too easily; haru can relate.

"should i go?" he asks.

it doesn't even take makoto a beat to respond. "of course you should go."

haru sighs and lets go of it, watching it as it falls to the ground.

 **Iwatobi's Five Year High School Reunion!**

 **Join us on Saturday and Sunday to reconnect with old friends!**

 **June 6-7 at Iwatobi High School**

 **Hotel rooms will be provided**

 **Don't Miss the Fun!**

* * *

haru left hometown as soon as he could. it's not like he had a reason to stay. the only reason he did have fucked off to another country and became famous and is in the news too many times a day. so, he moved to tokyo with makoto and got a degree in nothing because he had no interest in college. he works part-time in a thrift store and full-time in a rec center. meanwhile, makoto got degrees in teaching and literature and teaches sixth grade. it's not as if he hates his life, but he doesn't particularly love it.

he's just living it. he's alive, working and eating and breathing and yeah, sometimes he misses the feel of water against his skin, but then he thinks of him and he can't do it.

he wonders if the hotshot will even show up.

* * *

iwatobi is hot and humid when makoto and haru arrive, bags on their backs and hearts tucked away.

"are you ready?" makoto asks, and haru just shakes his head. of course he's not ready. he just wants to go back home to his lame life and his lame jobs. "it won't be bad, haru."

"okay," is all haru says. he breathes in the fresh ocean air and smiles a bit, not realizing just how much he missed iwatobi's air. he still wants to go home.

"he might not even show up, haru," makoto tries again and haru just ignores him. he might not even show up he might not even show up he might not even show up. for some reason, the thought of him not showing up makes him even madder.

he better show up.

* * *

they get to the hotel and it's crowded and loud and everything haru really doesn't want to deal with. he wonders if _rin_ has to share with anybody. he hopes so. when they check in, they check in together and he's pretty sure they lady thinks him and makoto are dating, but he doesn't correct them. it's not like he particularly cares about that.

when they get into their hotel rooms, makoto immediately takes a shower and haru sits on the bed, feeling the fabric and wondering if the boy he used to know so well has changed much over the last six years. he wonders if he ever thinks about haru and if he ever feels guilty for shattering haru's heart. (he doubts it.)

haru falls asleep before makoto is even out of the shower.

* * *

the day is finally saturday and haru doesn't want to get out of bed. makoto is already awake and moving when he finally decides to get up, and it frustrates him a little about how excited he is even though he knows it shouldn't. this is makoto's reunion and he's allowed to feel excited as well.

maybe makoto can feel excited for the both of them.

haru gets dressed slowly, feeling the lethargy kick in and take over. why is here why is he here why is he here.

"i want to go home," he whispers to himself.

"what's that?" makoto asks, not hearing him, and haru just shakes his head and puts on a smile.

"nothing. you ready?"

"definitely," makoto says confidently. haru's jealous of him right now.

* * *

when they arrive at iwatobi high school, haru wants to immediately turn around and never come back. every step, every area, every wall and window in this stupid school is filled with memories he'd rather like to forget. memories he'd like to keep tucked away and never touch again. memories that he doesn't need.

they walk up to their old class president and get their name tags and haru wants to say that he's not looking, but he is, and he can't help but feel upset that he's not here yet.

that bastard.

and then makoto is asking about him to the old class president lady.

"is rin matsuoka here by any chance?" he asks to her in that sweet makoto way that has all the girls swooning. she gives him a dazzling smile.

"oh yeah! he's just inside. you'll be able to find him when you get inside. anyway, have a good time reminiscing!"

haru almost wants to tell her that he won't, but he can't even focus on her. all he can focus on are the doors that lead into his old high school with somebody who broke his heart inside.

haru doesn't want to go inside, but it's him who rushes to the door and walks inside. he figures they're all meeting up in the gym and heads there, seeing the decorations along the way, but ignoring them.

god, he's so mad. he can hear makoto calling after him from behind him, but haru is just so, so incredibly mad. how dare he be here? how dare he have the nerve to show up?

how dare he break haru's heart with every race he does and every interview he takes part in? how dare he how dare he how dare he.

haru opens the door, and the gym's lights blind him for a moment, but as soon as his eyes focus, he sees him, facing away from him, but shining straight at him.

rin matsuoka.

who turns around just before haru considers punching him.

he watches rin's eyes widen from where he's standing, and haru can see that he's talking to nagisa and rei who only look happy to see them. makoto catches up then, breathing heavily, and when he spots them, he waves happily and pulls haru alongside him toward them.

haru can't take his eyes off rin.

rin's beautiful in the mean sort of way. in the sort of way that only reminds one of how they couldn't have them. in the sort of way that reminds you of biting words and fights at two in the morning and crying in your bed late at night because of them. the sort of mean that ruins relationships and never creates new ones and haru wants to hate him so badly.

he wants to scream at him and ask him why he had to move away and leave him all alone in such a god awful place, but all he can do is watch the way that rin moves toward him. all he can do is stand there and observe the beautiful lines of rin's face and his chiseled body and the way he stands with such power and authority it makes everyone else disappear.

haru wants to hate him.

rin's there before haru knows it and he clears his throat and sighs just a bit, and haru blinks once, twice, three times.

"haru," rin breathes out, and he says it reverently. he says it in a way that he's not allowed to say it because it only makes haru's heart hurt more and his mind go insane. this isn't fair this isn't fair this isn't fair. then rin's closing the gap between them and bringing his arms around haru's shoulder and no, he's not allowed to do that, why is he doing this. "i missed you."

haru sees the three other boys watching him from where he's head is on rin's shoulder and haru just wants to cry and go home.

"please let go of me," is what haru manages to say and rin immediately does. haru meets his gaze and sees the fame and stardom and beauty in them and haru doesn't understand why he thought coming back here would be a good idea.

rin's quiet for a moment before he runs a hand through his hair and sighs. "shit," he mumbles, and haru doesn't know what that's supposed to mean, to represent, why did he say that.

he wants to ask if rin ever thought of him while he was swimming. he wants to ask if he ever wondered all of the "what ifs" there were in their situation. he wants to ask, but all he can say is, "you're here" and he thinks that's saying something.

rin just gives a soft laugh and says, "you are too." then, rin is leading haru back to where makoto and rei and nagisa are and they are talking like nothing ever happened, but also talking like everything happened.

it's such a tragic contradiction, but haru doesn't dare correct it.

* * *

it's cloudy outside when haru manages to make his out there after drinking a few too many drinks. he looks up at the clouds and wonders how much rain those clouds were holding from them and why. haru just wonders so so many things and he doesn't know what to do about it.

haru thinks about taking up smoking while looking up at the clouds because he knows that so many in the world would already be smoking by now and especially if they were alone, sad, and staring up at an even sadder looking sky.

a voice clears behind him and haru doesn't even have to look to know who it is.

"was it worth it?" he finally asks because what else can he say in this situation. what else does he even want to say? (so much.)

"yes and no," is what rin replies with, settling next to haru, leaning against the balcony haru wasn't even aware was here.

"why yes?" haru asks even though he already knows the answer. god, this man is twenty-three now and it doesn't seem like much, but for them it's been six years and that's such a long time.

"i get to live my dream, haru. it's great. it should be great, you know? why doesn't it feel better? all it seems to be now is press and fans and smiling just the right way and make sure it's at the cameras! make sure they see what a great person you are! make sure they see something that the media has manipulated them to see!" rin exclaims angrily and haru just lets out a deep breath.

"why no?" he asks, afraid of where this answer could lead them, or maybe just him. does he want to know? no (yes). rin peers at him and lets out a sad smile.

"oh, come on, haru," rin says, and no, that's not enough. this isn't a "come on, haru" moment. this is an "i'm so sorry for leaving before you even figured yourself out, haru" moment. this is an "i'm sorry for breaking your heart moment". not an "oh, come on, haru" moment.

haru wants to slap him.

he kisses him instead.

rin tastes like how he did in high school. he tastes like peppermint gum and falling down from a tree and breaking an arm. he tastes like skinny-dipping and skipping class. he tastes like dead meadows and double rainbows and haru just wants to cry.

"you broke my heart, rin matsuoka," haru whispers against him, and rin only pulls him closer.

"i know, haruka nanase," he mumbles, bringing his cold, but scalding hot hand to pull at haru's hair. haru wonders if rin's loved anybody else since he left. he wonders if he broke the promises he would whisper into haru's skin late at night and early in the morning. he wonders if rin even remembers those promises.

"do you regret leaving?" haru asks when rin starts kissing at his neck and once again, haru knows what he's going to say. he almost wants him to lie and say he did and would forever, but he also wants rin to tell him the truth. it still hurts when he does.

"no, i don't," rin whispers and it's like a stab to his heart, but it's the truth and that matters more. "i regret leaving you though. i always regret leaving you, haru. every day, i regretted leaving you."

"but you left either way," haru gasps out when rin starts sucking on his neck. "you left either way and never came back."

rin shakes his head and pulls back, looking straight at him. "i did come back, haru. i came back." what. "but you weren't here, and i looked for you, i did, but nobody knew and those who did refused to tell me."

"when did you come back?"

"a year and a half after i let. just after we graduated. i left then and i came back, but you weren't here and they told me you went off with makoto so i only assumed. what could i have done but assume when i heard that?"

rin's crying now and haru doesn't remember that, but he drags his finger across rin's cheek either way.

"i didn't realize," is all haru says, and rin just lets out a broken laugh, and is haru crying too? "i didn't realize." and then haru's leaning in again, mixing their tears together in a wet and sloppy kiss. "i didn't realize," he mumbles once again. rin just nods over and over again and it's like their first kiss all over again, it's like their first date, their first time exchanging information, their first time meeting.

and then haru's pulling back and he forgives him. he does. god, does he forgive him. so, haru does what he does best. he holds out his hand and takes rin's, who's looking at him, eyes shining and heart showing.

"hi, i'm haruka nanase. i love you. it's nice to meet you," haru says, shaking the hand he's holding onto so tightly just a bit and rin laughs, tears starting to dry up on his cheeks.

he shakes his hand back.

"hi, i'm rin matsuoka. i love you, and it's nice to meet you too," he responds, and haru just nods once, twice, three times before leaning again and capturing their lips in another kiss.

and somehow this time he doesn't have to wonder. he just knows. he just knows that this time around, it'll be rinandharu and haruandrin with no gap between them, no stupid "what ifs" because it doesn't matter.

those "what ifs" are just "what ifs" and haru has decided he's going to focus on the reality in front of him now.

screw, "what if".

* * *

 ***hey guys! so this is for rinharu week! i don't really know which prompt as it can fit several so whatever. anyway, reviews are much appreciated! thanks for reading! :)**

 **baii guys. :)**

 **-DiAnna44**

My Tumblr- **iwannapandanamedchubs**

My Twitter- **dianna_morales**


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